Southern gothic, old clients, rock climbing
the week
We climbed to the top of the mountain of rocks and looked out over the desert. I shook some ants off that had found passage on my hoodie when I slid between a tree and a rock on the way up. Trees and cacti were sticking out of the cracks all the way up the mountain and it felt like we were a lot closer to the sky than we actually were. My friends and I went to Joshua Tree again, solidifying a tradition we started last year. The weekend was filled with junk food, hiking, bonfires, mushrooms, and bagels. Each morning we would make a giant breakfast and sit at the barn style table and gab while we ate. In the evenings we would sit in a circle around the bonfire and pass joints and stories. Sharing food and sharing fire with people you love is one of the best parts of being a human.
Traditions can be sobering. They mark the passage of time and force you to take inventory of everything that has happened since the last time it was carried out. Last year when we went on our pilgrimage to the desert I was recklessly falling in love and on the way to abandoning parts of myself and expanding other parts. There was not a whisper of how bad the year would get. I felt like a different person this time around.
If you haven’t already, please watch the film Sinners. It is a masterpiece. A folk horror film featuring the 1930s, the Mississippi Delta, breathtaking music, and vampires. It was utterly unique. I do not know how the director fit so many layers into one single film. There was romance, history, race relations, blues music, religion, hoodoo, loss, family. Southern Gothic at its finest.
Spoilers ahead so skip if you haven’t seen it yet.
I’m a big fan of monster theory and typically vampires show up in the zeitgeist to illustrate wealth inequality as well as repressed sexuality (a la Dracula, The Invitation, Nosferatu, even Twilight, it could be argued). But the vampires in Sinners represented a type of freedom. Conditional, and gained by evil means, but still freer than in their human lives in some respects. So many things in this film were so beautifully nuanced and every line of dialogue seemed to have a double meaning. I adored the religious themes being turned over and on their heads. One of my favorite parts was near the end when Preacher Boy starts to recite the Lord’s Prayer, thinking it will render the devil in front of him powerless, as is taught in the church. Instead, the demon begins reciting it too, telling him that the church entered his land as well and that he hated the men who forced those words down his throat but he could not help but find comfort in the words themselves. I often think about how religion is such a dangerous tool of the colonizer. It provides a false sanctuary and when used as intended, it takes over the conquered’s brain like a parasite, planting shame and complacency, forcing its host to surrender to an invisible force and ultimately become part of the tool itself. Ryan Coogler masterfully illustrated this point and I just wish I could thank him.
It’s been around 1500 years since my ancestors were forcibly converted to christianity and I still think about that violation fairly often, given my own religious trauma. Watching a film that spoke on that particular method of colonization, and the subsequent escape from it, was healing.
Spoilers over.
I have been talking to some of my regulars again. One who I really like, one who I cannot stand, and one who I truly do not remember but apparently I’ve seen him before, I have the receipts. Vegas client has been talking a big talk about coming to see me and I grew so annoyed with him that I named an absolutely ridiculous number thinking the absurdity of the figure would make him stop texting me. But without batting an eye he said, “I can make that happen.” So now I’m waiting to see if he’ll actually give me the $6k promised or if he’ll disappear. I’m honestly ok with either option, that’s how annoying this man is. He used to be one of my best clients but for him, the lines blurred, and he caught feelings.
The client I really like is currently overseas filming back to back blockbusters and told me that he can’t wait to set something up when he gets home. He’s a fun guy and always respectful, I’m looking forward to seeing him.
And the client who I don’t remember set up an appointment on Friday so I guess I’ll see who he is when I open the door. Always a fun game.
This month I will begin implementing the changes I mentioned to my substack. I hope you all stick around, it means so much to have people subscribe to my words.
