memory visits, movies, measures

the week

Another bad(ish) date was added to my arsenal this past weekend. Honestly the guy was really nice, I think I may be the problem. We met at a pub and chatted over Guinnesses, feeling one another’s vibe. He made several attempts at flirting and I didn’t reciprocate. I simply wasn’t feeling it. It wasn’t just that he wasn’t physically my type (way too skinny for my liking), it was that his confidence felt a little forced. Which I cannot find attractive. It’s funny because I know my ex lover, who I was desperately in love with, was deeply insecure in many ways, but his confidence in some areas was so audacious that it all balanced out. And I’ve had feelings for many insecure men, in fact, I believe most men are deeply insecure, one of their patriarchal burdens to bear. Sometimes I think I put too much emphasis on chemistry. That indescribable and temperamental X factor that sometimes just shows up between two people when they meet. I feel like people tout the valor in ‘letting attraction grow’ but I’m not convinced that is the way. My friend and I have been repeating that phrase to one another lately whilst also laughing that we’re not sure we believe it.

I have a few more dates lined up soon so hopefully at least a few sparks make an appearance. Dates when you feel nothing for the other person are discouraging. Especially when you miss feeling everything.